Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Pregnancy Diary: 10/07/12 - Labour - The final push!

OK so obviously I'm writing this after the occasion but this is a run down of the final stage of my labour!

Nearer the end, my epidural had worn off in certain parts so I was in pain. My legs had gone to mush and I was relying on Hoff to move my feet. I was uncomfortable as I felt like I had been sat for too long in one place so my lower back and bum were tingly and numb. I was freaking out a bit about having no control and I was getting more and more frustrated at the fact I was still in bloody labour so long after my waters had broken.

I had my waters broken at 8.30am the midwife said to me 'I think it'll be a quick one, you'll be done by lunch'... lunch time came and nothing was really happening. The hormone drip was making me have contractions and the epidural was masking the pain but other than that I was quite happy.

Progress? What Progress?...
At 1.15 they checked my progress, I held my breath, I thought they were going to say you're nearly there.... NOPE they said 'you're only 2-3cm dilated'... 2-3 what?? Are you serious?? Jesus! I was so disappointed, I held back my tears as much as possible but by that point my brain was in pieces, my ribs were giving in and my body was ready to give up. I tried so hard not to cry but the fact I was nowhere near the end made me feel sick! How the hell was I going to have this bloody baby! They said I had to wait until 5.15pm before they checked me again. I was not happy about waiting what seemed like forever as I had been there since the Friday before after all. At that point demanding a C-Section was looking overly tempting but I don't think it was on offer! So I plodded on regardless.

Unbearable Pain....
I started feeling this pain in my lower belly as the epidural wore off. I tried to hold it back and wait for the next top up but I'd only just gained the feeling in my legs back, even though it was just slightly and was enjoying being able to move them on my own. Only problem is this pain began to get worse. Then not only did it get worse it didn't go away after the top up. Epidurals sometimes miss parts and this just happened to be the part in which the baby was due to sit in for the whole time I was trying to get him out!!! Typical!! It wouldn't go away and it bloody hurt soooooo much!! I started on the Gas and Air and the midwife was starting to get worried by the degree of pain. I wasn't due to be checked out until 5.15pm but it was nearly 5pm and I was getting irregular contractions again. The midwife said they'd check me over earlier than planned and so at 5pm and in agony the midwife looked at me and said 'OK so you're 9.5cm dilated no wonder you're in pain!'

9.5cm dilated!!! They were only expecting me to be 5 or 6cm not almost there!! They told me I had to wait an hour to let him settle and move down a bit more and then I could start pushing! Wuhoo the end was near!

Breathing who needs it?...
I was so relieved but I was also starting to not breathe properly. The pressure on my ribs was beginning to become unbearable. They'd managed to numb the lower part of my ribs with the Epidural but the top half was just as painful as before I went into labour except with the added pressure of the deep breathing. The Gas and Air wasn't working well as I couldn't breathe in too far and I was starting to become breathless with trying.

Less than an hour came and went and I was beginning to freak out about not breathing. How was I going to push with this cracking feeling going on in my chest. It was like being stabbed over and over whilst being stepped on by an elephant. I began to cry and that obviously didn't help. I tried to calm down but it just didn't help. The midwife decided I should start pushing earlier than planned as they planned to start me at 9 but I couldn't wait that long. So there it began.

Push it, Push it, Push it real good!...
I tried to push and I felt nothing. Like I wasn't doing anything. I tried again. Still nothing. I wasn't even sure I was doing anything. Was it even working? Was all this pointless? I asked the midwife and she said that I was doing really well but still I felt like I had got nowhere. I was crying my eyes out and was telling Hoff that I was wanting to die. My chest was going to explode with each push and in my head the baby wasn't going anywhere soon. I held on to the handles of the bed and used them to push. I remember thinking I can't believe I'm doing this' and trying to convince myself that it was going to be worth all the pain. I was trying the positive thinking thing but it wasn't really working.

Hoff Watch...
Hoff was being really good and supportive despite me sticking my fingers up at him whilst he was doing it. I felt for him really. The look on his face was like he felt so useless. I thought he was going to cry too at one point but I think that was more because I was squeezing his hand slightly at one point. He did quite well out of it really, I had promised him I was going to batter him both physically and verbally and so far I had been really nice to him. I think that was worrying him a little bit though like it was the calm before the storm.

No feeling...
I was still pushing and feeling nothing apart from the pain in my chest and the part of me the epidural had missed. I was beginning to lose faith and after a very long time I just melted. I was crying hysterically because I was struggling to breathe. My chest was disintegrating! Think of the pain you might feel in your chest whilst having a heart attack and then the pain you might feel being stabbed in the chest several times whilst your ribs are being cracked from the inside out..... this is what I was feeling at this point. It is hard to imagine or explain and I pray nobody I know ever feels that pain ever in their lives!! It was HELL!! I remember her saying she could see the head and at that point Hoff said 'Is it Ginger??' hahaha I laughed a bit at that point and began to calm down for all of a few seconds. Baby was stuck in that position for a long time too because I couldn't push him out and so the midwife again went to find the doctor. She was busy with another lady so I was in limbo (story of the past week for me really ay?!). I couldn't push any more as my chest was exploding and I could actually feel the head a little bit from what I can remember so it was so frustrating not to be able to help myself and do it properly.

The Final Push....
At 8.30pm I was crying so much the Care Assistant came in to help me as she was worried. Hoff explained to her what was happening and with a big smile she willed me on. Out of nowhere I began to push a little more.... and a little more. I had just had enough of waiting. Waiting for doctors. Waiting for the baby. Waiting for my chest to crack. Waiting for this day to actually come. I looked at Hoff and he looked so scared I felt like I was letting him down not being able to do this. So I just went for it. The midwife was amazed and the care assistant was egging me on, Hoff looked petrified and I was just relieved when I heard the words 'The heads out' then the words 'that's it you've done it!' shouted from the end of the bed. At that moment the doctor put her head round the door and said 'do you need me?'... too bloody late I'd done it myself!!.... again Typical!!

'That's a baby!!'...
As I looked down the midwife was holding the baby in her hands, my tears dried up, my pain in my chest was released in one swift movement and I just couldn't believe I'd done it. I looked at Hoff and said 'That's a baby!!' he smiled and said 'I know!!!' and as he cut the cord my smile grew wider and a final tear rolled down my face. This was it, this was the start of his life and ours as a family. I soon had this amazing baby on my chest. A baby I never thought I would have and one that had defied all genetic odds. I was so happy at that moment that I failed to even notice the fact that I still had no control over my body or that I had failed to even breathe through that last hour or so.... all I could see was this perfect little bundle... and this MASSIVE cord! The midwife was laughing saying it's the biggest she had ever seen! Double the size of a normal baby's cord.... must've been all that bacon. He was a big baby too considering he was 2.5 weeks early! He was put on the scales and he was 7lb12!!! Imagine if he had been on time he'd have been huge!! The midwife just couldn't believe I'd done that last bit on my own she said she didn't understand where it had come from. I amaze myself with my stubbornness sometimes.

So at 8.42pm..... 4 midwives, 1 doctor, 2 anaesthetists, 1 care assistant, 7 epidural top ups and nearly 12hours later.... I managed to produce a baby! Hurrah...

An introduction to the ever awaited #Baihoffbaby will be on the next post....


  1. Bex @ The Mummy Adventure17 July 2012 at 23:31

    Congratulations on getting through the most epic labour I have ever read about! Hope you are enjoying your gorgeous little men now x

  2. Congratulations to you and your family on the birth of Robin. I have just finished reading your blog and loved the content. You are a very good story teller. I was in Gt Yarmouth for the birth was willing you to give birth by the Sunday night before we left. You had a stressful Labour and I'm sure Hoff was very worried. Now that you are home you will forget about it all and enjoy your little boy. Lve to you all. Philly, Tommy and family. xxxxxxx

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