9.30pm... 86hrs in!!!!
The Final Countdown.... we hope!
I'M NEXT IN THE QUEUE TO GO DOWN TO THE LABOUR WARD!!!
OK so we don't no when 'next' really is but it's better than knowing there is a queue and not knowing who or what is in front of you in the queue!! It is, in my head, PROGRESS!
A Rollercoaster of Emotions
I think if this was a few days ago I'd have been bloody nervous about going down to have the waters broken but tonight I seem to have this air of calm about me. I have gone from overly nervous and happy on Friday, to irritated and disappointed Saturday, to positive and happy to anxious and irritated and damn right annoyed on Sunday, to this calm and collected human being who is just happy that the end is near today! I think by the time I've finished and left this hospital I'd have ticked every box on a list of emotions. I expect that after the birth I will be overwhelmed and extatic about my new born baby boy and in pieces and exhausted all at the same time. A rollercoaster of love... not quite, a rollercoaster of pain that ends in love is more like it. It's like adding the love tunnel at a fair ground to the beginining and the end of the Saw ride at Thorpe Park and making the Saw bit last for the best part of a week. I feel sick with misery and torture but overwhelmed with love at the thought of holding my baby at the end....... does any of that make sense to anyone other than me? If not just ignore this paragraph and move on to the next!
The New Waiting Game
So today saw a new waiting game, we weren't waiting on the doctors we were waiting for a slot to open up in the delivery suite so they could break my waters. These slots have been like gold dust this weekend apparently so in a way I'm glad I'd been held back until now (i'm not in any way glad but I'm trying to be nice). There were a few women in front of me waiting and then all the emergancies would obviously take priority over us. It seems like it could be a long wait but I was told an hour ago I was now 'front of the queue' so we need to pray that no other women have come into the ward downstairs needing attention so I can jump into a bed when someone pops out their baby. I'm going to admit, I know that I'm not going to be able to help but but think 'selfish bitch' when I see/know of a women jumping in a bed in front of me in the queue but they don't know how long I've been waiting.... I'll happily tell them though 86 HOURS!!! and counting!!! It's like waiting in line for the last few tickets at a gig then someone famous pops up and gets moved to the front of the queue and then they sell the last one to the person infront of you so you don't get yours.... I know that is a little in depth but this is how I see it lol.
We are still going to be waiting for a while but we will be ready and waiting for them what ever time ofnight it is!! BRING ON THE WATER RIDE!!
OK so we've now waited 86hrs for this monkey to be born and this process to all happen. The whole point of me being induced was because I needed to ease the pressure on my ribs and therefore ease the pain I was in. I needed a plan of action for when the time came for the pain and the back up plan for if my ribs couldn't take the pressure of the child birth. We didn't seem to have this until this morning and guess what the aneathetist said was the plan...... 'we just need to wait and see what happens and deal with it as it comes'...... are you serious woman? I could've built that plan up myself in fact I think you'll find that is my original birth plan. Apparently they won't know what will help until they do it as they don't know how the ribs will react. I do..... they'll bloody hurt and the pain killers will bypass them like they normally do and I will struggle to breathe through the pain.
I know I'm a rare case but these people are so contradicting of themselves its amazing. It's amazing the difference between the changes of shifts, one says this the next says that... they all say nothing much really. Each doctor has had no idea what it was I had or how it effected me but all thought they've known best by just guessing. Both aneathetists have known (one more than the other) but contradicted what eachother has said in terms of help at the time of child birth and in general. One told me to steer clear of Opium based pain relief as it wouldn't help me as it would bypass the pain because the cause of it is viral and if taken regularly before birth it would harm the baby. The other was insistant that although it wouldn't take the pain away it would take me away from the pain.... but never once suggested it would harm the baby. One said an epidural would help as it would numb part of my rib cage and the other said it wouldn't do anything. They also didn't really make much sense as one said it was going to be hard to deliver him without it being overly painful and that I was amazing for getting to the point I did without demanding they got the baby out earlier. Today the lady said to the midwife that it can't be too much of a bad case as I would never have made it through the past few months without further problems.... I'VE HAD LOADS OF PROBLEMS I JUST KNEW THERE WAS NOTHING YOU COUL DO! Why did she not ask me if I'd coped? Why did she only make that comment to the midwife away from my ears? I'd have told her what I'd been going through and happily shown her by hitting her hard in the ribs with a sledge hammer and standing over her proding it constantly for 24 hours a day! If she whinged I'd tell her she was boring me and it couldn't be that bad and then see what and how she feels about it....... Is that a bit harsh? It might be a little bit but to be honest she annoyed me! I liked the first bloke he not only wnet into detail about it he put in place something for afterwards and talked me through it. She has just written the plan as 'go with the flow' billiant..... let's do that shall we! I can't see why not? *rolls eyes*
When asked how he was feeling he said 'I forgot my swimming shorts'.... lol he's a geek. He is excited and nervous and worried about the not knowing when it will happen. It could be any time during the night he said.... I think he's worried about his sleep more than anything! I think he's pooing his pants a little but he's going to be fine. He needs to be more worried about what I'm going to do or say to him in the pushing process than anything else. Poor boy isn't going to know what's hit him.... well he is it'll be my fist! hahahahahaha (just kidding I'll try and use something sft if I get the erge to punch him).
Out of 10 right now is about an 8 or a 9. I have an ice cold nurses glove laying on my rib for pain relief and I am staring at my codeine as I really need to take it really before I ge told off. The wird thing is I know this will be a 10 as soon as we go down to the labour ward so I'm embracing the ease of this pain in preperation for the horrid rise to a 10!
Right time to get some rest I am hoping and praying that the next time I update this I'll be in the labour ward trying to istract myself or I may even have the baby in my arms whilst typing..... You never know!!