Friday, 10 February 2012

Pregnancy Diary: 9th Jan - Booking in with the Midwife

So the weekend ended finally, and the next two days are now very important, starting with my first Midwife appointment. I have had so many appointments with consultants at the hospital I’d not booked in with the midwife as of yet because there was no need really. I’ve currently had 3 scans, heard the heartbeat and had so many blood tests that she would’ve been made a bit redundant, so we waited. The hospital had done all my booking in bloods and so the appointment was quite quick compared to most booking in appointments. She was pleasantly surprised that she had been beaten to it and that the results were already on my file. I had been made aware that I was not currently immune to Rubella and that even though I’d had the MMR when younger and again when Kyd had his it just hadn’t worked. I was told to be careful and to try and steer clear of anyone with suspected Rubella. Rubella comes up as a rash, a sore throat and a temperature, so to me that’s a hard one to tell if someone has, so how I steer clear other than to keep myself in isolation I don’t know. Rubella can cause all sorts of complications including miscarriage and so it is so important in the first 12 weeks that I avoid it and then after the first trimester it becomes less of a risk but it is, in fact, still a risk. I am almost 12 weeks now so I’m almost over the first hurdle but I’m still quite scared about this situation. According to the consultant some adults just don’t take to the rubella vaccine and sometimes they need a double dose. So after this little sprout is born I get to have an MMR jab and then a month later another one. After that I will be tested again several months down the line to see if it has worked. Sometimes it just doesn’t... so fingers crossed it kicks in and I don’t have to worry. So the Midwife was all smiles and let’s just say amazed after explaining my past 11 ½ weeks and the journey from genetics to hospitals to her. She was very understanding and she knew about all my issues and I’m quite satisfied that she will be able to help if there are any future problems. I will be solely under her care after the 18-20 week scan so I’m sure we will get to know each other well. I’ve just had a thought... IT’S TOMORROW! It’s tomorrow! My CVS test is tomorrow. I will have to go through it all... Tomorrow. OMG this is what I have been waiting for for so long... so why am I so worried now. This test can cause miscarriage. What if the tests come back and it’s all gone wrong and we have to make a hideous decision? I have been set in my thoughts of right this is what we are doing... so why today am I thinking about the ‘what if’s’? It’s a bit late for that really I have had ages to think this through and now I’m backing up on all my pre made decisions. What if the tests come back clear and then I miscarry because of the test? What if it’s my only chance to have a child without disability? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Would I think that it was my fault for being impatient and having the test in the first place? Would Hoff blame me? Oh all these things that I thought I’d sorted out in my head have now become questions again! This is not fair. Why can’t my life be straight forward like everyone else’s! Now I can’t sleep and I need to be rested for tomorrow... grrrr I need this to be over and all to go well.

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