Thursday, 2 February 2012

Pregnancy Diary: 12th Dec - No More Pain, Lot’s of Panic but No More Pill’s – Results #2 the scan!

So today we went for the long awaited scan... I was dreading another internal one as the last one hurt. That and I was in a panic as we had a poorly Kyd in tow and having an internal scan in front of a 9 year old boy isn’t a the nicest thing to do. He has had a virus and we both have found this hideous cold which is beginning to drag us down again... If the fact I’d been ridiculously ill for 2 weeks wasn’t enough! This was week 3 of sick gate and I’d began to feel a little more alive and now I’m being sick again & my nose is trying to commit suicide and escape from my face in a form of a sneezercide bomber!... slightly over dramatic but it’s bloody annoying! So Kyd, who has no idea what’s been going on obviously, made the trip to the hospital with myself and Hoff to find out what was going on in there and whether, newly nicknamed, Sprout, actually existed or whether it was just a miss miscarriage... I’ve been telling myself sprout doesn’t exist in order to prepare myself for the worst and even though I didn’t think it’d make a slight bit of difference trying to fool myself, I strangely felt... Nothing, I felt nothing at all when I went into the room. I was just numb, like it was just a regular doctor’s appointment. I had not a tear or a worry or any anticipation or hope... just nothing... strange really as I was telling myself whilst lying there that I should be feeling this, that and the other... but nothing... She did an external scan thank god and then I did start worrying but not about what was going on with the scan but about Kyd... He was fascinated as to what she was doing and I started worrying who he would tell about this and whether he would understand that it was a baby she was looking for in there... OMG what was he going to say in school?... to my family?.... to friends?... Damn it!!... then she said it... ‘So there’s baby... and here is it’s little heartbeat’... OMG it’s not only there but it has a heartbeat... It was actually there! It was alive... weirdly this was the first bit of feeling I’d had all day and my heart started pounding... There was a real baby in there and I could see its little heart beating, it was just a tiny blob... I looked at Hoff and he grabbed my hand with a smile on his face. The nearest he had ever got to a baby scan was seeing his friends babies scan pictures when they proudly produced them to him... he was a little freaked out I could tell but then I looked at Kyd sat open mouthed on his knee.... ‘Baby, mummy!’ he said ‘baby in there look’ he isn’t stupid is he! He looked so happy I teared up because I wouldn’t know what to say to him if it all failed. We had no choice but to take him but was I bad to let him see?... I hate myself for it now! Then she said ‘It seems it’s all OK in there’ and said ‘do you want a pic? We aren’t supposed to give them in here but if you put them in your bag before leaving the room and don’t tell the nurses I’ll give you one’ obviously we took it and did what she said. She knew how worried I had been as she had done the first scan 2 weeks previous so having a pic and evidence right there in front of us was so relieving... she obviously knew that so took pity, what a lovely lady!
So there you go... there is a baby in there... so now what??.... An even longer wait until the amnio.... God help my brain...

2 comments:

  1. Hi Alice! OMG I am just catching up! Massive congratulations, and a big hug. Try not to worry too much, but I know thats easier said than done. xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey, congrats, i went through the same thing last week so you i know how u feel, i now have my 12 weeks scan in two weeks and even though i saw babys heartbeat and everything fine,. im still anxious about everything being ok. good luck with the rest of ur pregnancy xxx

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comment xx