Monday, 23 January 2012

Pregnancy Diary: May-July 2011: Do we do Genetic Counselling?

So after months of trying for a baby in quite a non stressful, casual manner and with no success as of yet... I knew it might take time, I have read so many reasons why this could be and so I wasn’t worried too much... But as I thought I may have a bit of time, I decided to seek advice from the GP about Genetic Counselling. I have been told this week by other mums at the West Berkshire Down Syndrome Group (WBDSG) that GC was a real help even for those whose DS children weren’t diagnosed with Robertsonian Translocation, which is the genetic form of DS. I asked the GP how I could get this and he informed me that they had a clinic in Oxford and that it might take a long time for the appointment to come through and I should strongly think about not perusing with trying for a baby until after I had talked it through with the GC... I didn’t want to hear this as I wanted a baby asap!! But I just thought that I would play at being patient for once and wait for the appointment to come through. I just couldn’t understand why it was such a long bloody wait!! He was no use at even slightly giving me a time period either as he just said ‘it’s a busy practice...’ a phrase I hear a lot from these doctor types! But I just sighed and decided to stay positive. Now for the wait!!!... TBC

June 2011: Genetic counselling...
OMG... no I’m not preggers... but we have had the appointment through already for the Genetic Counselling and it isn’t that long away 15 July and also it was a clinic in Reading, at the Royal Berks, so round the corner from our house... brilliantly timed and placed. I am so nervous. I have no idea what I am going to hear at this meeting. I have no idea what the last GC told me other than it was 1 in 5 chances and that it was called Translocational...which was???? I had never looked in to it out of fear of the unknown... I know, due to tests on my mum, that it was from my Dads side and I have had to contact his family, which we don’t see, and we would have to be careful in the future... That is all... I am panicking a little... if you couldn’t tell... what I am going to be like on the day is a scary thought!!
In other news... (Men this may not interest you!)  I am now worrying about my periods as they don’t seem to be regular and they’re confusing me!! How am I supposed to calculate my ovulation dates with the most random patterns of menstruation... L what am I doing wrong?? Stupid body!

July 14th: Genetic Counselling - The Night Before
So again I’m not preggers... But it is the 14th and I may be freaking out so much that I can’t sleep. It is now 3am and I have grown bored of the police related fly on the walls and I have decided to write my thoughts...
My Thoughts...
Shit! What are they going to tell me tomorrow??  And... am I going to understand it all? And... am I going to understand what the rest of my future holds?... Arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh is the key word/noise in my thoughts right now too... I was told by a new Parent Forum ( that genetic counselling can help with not only understanding Translocation but the choices of tests and treatments I could have. I know that my mind is set in which I don’t want another DS child, which I know is controversial in some ways but I think personally when confronted with not knowing whether you can have a ‘normal’ baby you just crave it more and more... I just want to know if I can or not and I’m pretty sure I can’t... L
So is it just me being selfish? Yes... but No.... all at the same time... I think we were bloody lucky with Kyd! Actually I know I was bloody lucky with him... His health is relatively normal compared to many other DS kids and we have avoided all big health problems so far... would it be reckless to have another?? Would it affect Kyd’s future if I did have another DS child?? And most importantly would I cope with the physical and mental strain it would cause on both me and my relationship?? And how would Hoff cope?? Or Kyd for that matter??  Is it fair for me to tell Hoff we can’t have a ‘normal’ child... but on the other side is it fair that I tell him we can’t have our child because of the DS?? It is such an important decision but each to their own I reckon... Who can tell you whether you can cope with the mental and physical strain of having a disabled child other than yourself... Or whether as a couple, or family, that you could accommodate such a huge impact on family life?... Whilst some are fully ready for it and are stable enough to make that decision... others, like myself (maybe because I’ve been through it already in a bad circumstance) know that it would cause more harm than good and confronted with the choice, it would be both wrong and selfish to go ahead and make that decision. I am in ore of those who are able to make that life changing decision. I am completely for not against the people who can and do it on a daily basis but does that hit a guilt button in my head as if they can get their head round it why can’t I? Is it wrong for me to not want to go through that all over again?? And is it unnatural and going against Mother Nature to try and have just a ‘normal’ child?
Oh my head is such a mess tonight!! What the hell will tomorrow bring?

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