Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Pregnancy Diary: End of Nov- Dec - Dedication & Medication

29th November: Dedication to My Team & Kyd...
After sleeping a little more I woke up to a silent house again. Kyd had happily gone to school with Hoff and he was now working downstairs. Only thing keeping me going was the thought that is was just  a few more hours and I’d know the blood hormone test results so I’d be a little more relaxed.... or so I thought.
Kyd was so lucky to be picked to be Mascot at the Reading FC vs Peterborough by the FreeKicks Foundation.... We had to be there for 6pm tonight... The same time as we had to phone for the results, brilliant timing. I was technically still really ill and so shouldn’t have been at football at all but I couldn’t have missed Kyd being Mascot, he was so excited. I dosed myself up on Codeine and wrapped myself in hundreds of layers and we were both so thrilled to see him live every young fans dream and be on the pitch kicking the ball with the players. I however tried at every available moment to ring for my results and just couldn’t get through so I’d have to wait another 24hrs for the results which was killing me. Maybe if I’d have more time I’d have got through but oh well... what’s another 24hrs after all this time ay?? I really struggled during and after the game. So, as it was, I paid for being out and about by feeling terrible afterwards.... but it was worth it for seeing my baby smile so much on a moment he will remember forever!
(To read more about Kyd's time as mascot click here)
30th November : A Bit Less Pain, A Lot More Panic and Pills – The Results #1
I have struggled all day. I am so weak and I can hardly eat because I feel so sick. I have the remains of the worst and longest migraine I’ve ever had and to top it off I think it was the Codeine causing it. Problem with that is that I can’t stop taking the codeine because I’m still in pain in my stomach... catch 22. I’ve cut the codeine down as much as possible so that my head recovers.  I have been put under house arrest by Hoff as he knows I won’t take it easy if I don’t stay indoors. He’d done all the housework over the past few days so I’d have nothing to do when I got back... He’s a good little nursey! He had even arranged my friend to come round to check on me, even though she technically doesn’t know what’s going on... she thinks I have a terrible infection on my cervix... which technically isn’t a lie as I am on antibiotics for exactly that reason... turns out the infection was there :worriedface: Kyd’s school was on strike today so he was home all day. He is such a good little nurse too though. He tidied away after himself after breakfast, lunch and tea. He entertained himself in the play room most of the day and then he gave me a cuddle for hours after bringing down Disney’s Alice in Wonderland (my fave) for us to watch on the sofa with the blanket... just like we do when he’s ill... he’s a love isn’t he?!
6pm came and I finally made that, long awaited, call.......
My hormones HAVE doubled!!! So it is looking good for baby... only I can’t get too excited as I have to wait until the 12th December before I can have the next scan as it could still be an empty sack and a miss miscarriage... but they’ve said it is unlikely... Only thing I’ve got to do now is stop this stupid pain, finish my antibiotics and get healthy again!
I still can’t stop thinking of the worst outcome and I’m no good at this waiting game. Another 12 days until the scan and then another nearly 3 months for the BIG tests... the serious ones... all I’ve got to do between now and then is keep this little splodge inside me healthy and safe.... and all our fingers will stay firmly crossed!...

December 2011: Will I Ever Feel Any Better?
OMG my boobs don’t half hurt! (Said in my naturally strong Yorkshire accent) and I’m not sure whether this is morning sickness or a result of my illness...
I’m still getting over the stint in hospital and it feels like I haven’t left the house for ages... as in weeks!... but that’ll be because I haven’t!... I have finished all my tablets now and my migraines have eased, which tells me that it was in fact the meds causing them... annoying. The pain in my stomach has gone now and the ovary that had haemorrhaged has obviously stopped being awkward! I am exhausted though. I’m just so bored of feeling sick, being sick and being so bloody tired all the time. All I’ve done since coming out of hospital is sleep and sleep and be sick and sleep. I can’t stomach any food and I’ve lost weight... which in most cases would be amazing and I’d be celebrating, but the sensible me knows it’s not healthy when you’re pregnant to be eating so little and not keeping anything down. I’m behind on all my Blog posts because I can’t look at the screen for too long or the migraine comes back! I have hundreds of unread emails and lot’s of paperwork to do. So I have a lot to keep me busy now my brain isn’t trying to explode with migraines it’s going to have to explode with work... joy!
I have been trying to be quite positive but In the back of my mind all I can think about is, ‘Is there actually going to be a baby in there?  If there isn’t how will I cope? If there is I will have to cope with a hideous wait for more tests before I can get excited... then we have to make some hard decisions depending on the outcome.’ I have tried so hard not to think about it but if you’re at home by yourself most of the time it’s hard to shut your brain up... as my brain talks as much, and as fast, as I do! I have tried to find other things to concentrate on such as, Christmas and Kyd... no use though as once I’ve moved more than one brain cell trying to change the subject my body says that’s it and I fall asleep! Seems the only thing my brain is willing to think about for more than 2 seconds is the fact that I may not even have a baby in belly to be worrying about.... stupid really. I’m not going to lie it’s a gruelling process being ill and completely in the dark about what’s going on with your body, baby and life... and because hardly anybody knows I can’t talk to people openly about it... It completely sucks.

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