Thursday, 5 January 2012

My Highs and Lows of 2011

I have been tagged by the lovely JudeyWudey to write about my highs and lows of 2011 as part of Kate at Kate on Thin Ice‘s Groovy Mums. I think this is a great opportunity to reflect on my year and it has really made me appreciate the positives that have come out of the things that didn’t seem so positive at the time.

So I will answer the 12 questions set by Kate, tag some other fellow parent bloggers at the end of my post to do the same and then I will leave a comment on Kate’s original post so that she and others can read what I said. So here goes…

 What was your happiest event?
I got engaged in September to the lovely Hoff and I must admit that was my highlight of 2011 as when it comes to 'Happiest' events that defo tops them all. It was all very happy happy happy. We were somewhere we love, having a day for just us and the ring, ohhhhh the ring!!!, well it is beautiful. It was from somewhere I have always imagined my ring being from... OK OK it''s from somewhere that I insisted my engagement ring be from. I know what I like and I wanted a specific type of ring, from a specific Antique market in a specific part of London... I never actually thought it would happen you see, so I could afford to be picky... BUT it did happen and he did give me that specific ring! He's a clever boy pays attention and everything!... he's a keeper!... He got brownie points for the details... although the fact we were in a pub called 'The Worlds End' when he got down on one knee was a little bit of an over sight on his part... or was it?? hmmm

 What was the saddest thing to happen?
We lost a few friends at the end of 2010 and early on in 2011. Although not family, each person meant something to me and affected my life in some way along the road. Everyone struggles with death and I would never try to begin to understand each persons grief as everyone deals with things differently. I am grateful to have never had to deal with a close family member dying in my adult life as close friends have been hard enough to lose. The loss of so many, so young was one of the reasons I stood up and decided to live life in 2011. I believe that moments and events like this can change you forever and to remember those lost you have to learn to live with the legacy of their life's message, whatever it is and however you interpret it into your life. If you are to honour them in any way I think that this is the best way to do it... live life for them, it will keep them with you and help you on your way. RIP.

 What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?
Well I hate to be boring and repeat myself... but ME being ENGAGED?? Really?? Now that to me even a year ago was NEVER going to happen any time soon! I'd have laughed at you if you'd told me otherwise. Don't get me wrong I wanted too but I couldn't see it happening any time soon.... But to say that this teenage mum, with no education, no prospects, no clue what was to come or any  clue about life in general, was to own a house, be settled in a happy relationship, be classed as a good parent & engaged to be married... Just shows you don't know what's round the corner for anyone, you just need to have hope. 

Jesus, if I can dig myself out of my mega bucket sized gutter you can too! Never give up hope! *creepy wink face*

 Who let you down?
I tend not to depend on other people as a rule, as that gives them the power for them to be able to let me down which leads to disappointment... I learnt that a long time ago....

But do you know what/who let me down  in 2011... the government & their Disability Allowance system. I had to fight with them for over a year and had to scrape the bottom of the barrel in self respect just to get them to agree that my son was as disabled as I had originally told them and that I wasn't in fact lieing and therefore entitled to Disability Allowance. This makes me sick that everyday children and adults are fighting for the right for someone to agree they're disabled and then for a label that says 'yeah ok you aren't a fraud' and even then you come across prejudice and ignorance from not only the DWP but the general public because the press tell them we are all lieing... lovely stuff *rollseyes*. 

To all those people who have faked an illness to receive disability benefit... YOU LET US DOWN!!! SHAME ON YOU! You are who are letting this country and this system down, YOU are what is making the extra struggle and the cause of the extra pain that these people are suffering! These are people who have enough daily problems of their own and DO NOT need people like you causing this government to change systems to catch SCUM like you out... grow a conscience and get a life! *rant over* NEXT QUESTION...

 Who supported you?
Now this will come as a shock to the people involved as this is all new to all of us. Obviously The Hoff  and others supported me in 2011 and I am hugely grateful... but I tell them that all the time so they don't need to hear it.

Right sooo even this time last year I would never have said MY FAMILY would be the ones I'd be declaring as my biggest support. I have caused nothing but problems for my family from teenage until the present day... although in different ways. I have pushed them away and they have pushed me away and until recently we were just acting like 'distant family' and not a close family unit- (if they exist?), you know, like the age old stereotype of the distant Aunts and Uncles passing in at Christmas with a card, this was my family though, distant ships and the odd card, like we'd forgotten how to be 'A Family' or if we'd ever actually been one in the first place. 

My own fault really I was scared of letting them down and they were scared I'd let them down- lol joke, I mean they were scared they'd push me further off the other side instead of back on track if they had confronted me- because I'm too stubborn apparently- Me? Moi? Never?- I needed someone to come in in their shining armour and kick my butt, AND THEY needed ME to come in covered in flowers like a hippy and realising the error of my ways- neither was likely to happen and I think after many years, a lot of eye opening events, screaming & crying- We've cracked it- HURRAH! 

In the year just passed we pulled together, we talked, we nudged things into the past and we became closer than ever before without even saying a word to each other- we don't do soppy stuff. They've been there when I've had good news, bad news, scary news and incredibly confusing news and down right bonkers news. Even if they sometimes didn't understand what was going on, they had a response and it wasn't 'Oh no what have you got yourself in too now?' (not that they ever said that but I imagine it was thought once or twice).

It feels nice- almost normal- which is odd - don't tell them this, but I love it, I might even love them-

OK Puke that's as soppy as I get, enough already- NEXT QUESTION!

 Tell us one thing you learned.
I've learnt blogging is the future for my madness.... It seems to be going ok... maybe I can take this further eventually!

 Tell us one thing that made you laugh.
One thing that made me laugh... just one? Uhhhhh OK This??... Come on you've got to laugh there is just so much going on!!



Tell us one thing that made you cry.
Although technically bordering on 2012 the realisation that my Post Natal Depression and my past relationships had effected Kyd emotionally even 9 years on was devastating. I don't want to go into it because it was upsetting enough writing it the first time... read it here if you like...

 Tell us three things your child did to make you feel proud.
  1. He finally learnt to count and he now recognises his letters and some words... taken forever but I knew he'd get there! 
  2. He walked on the pitch in front of thousands with his heroes and wasn't even slightly phased... because he's a star.
  3. He played mummy when I was ill. He got me a cold wet flannel, a glass of water, a big kiss on the forehead and then began to get the washing in off the line... he even folded it... He made my heart melt that day.... how did I make that?

 Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself.
I became ME in 2011! I pushed aside all that made me go backwards and all that certain people expected of me and I redesigned ME for ME! It took a lot to realise that half of the life I was living was a lie and not true to myself but I'm glad I did realise because 2011 was my best year yet

Sometimes you want something so much, that you try so hard to get it, you end up becoming that something that you don't like, to that one person or that group of people that you want to be... not always a bad thing but never often a good thing. The greatest friendships in life don't have to be pushed to mean something, they just flow and are weightless. Not everything you want to work out in life that you'd do anything to get, is right for you... which is why it very rarely does work out... Life is too short to worry about what others are doing, saying or thinking... What matters is what YOU ARE doing, saying and thinking... and if you can't change that... nobody can! 

Stay true to yourself... because you are the only you you'll get!

 Tell us one challenge you overcame.
Fear of the future!!... Not everything can be controlled some things are left down to nature and chance.... Life is one of those funny things that might kill you... this is life...

 Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2012.
I won't say new start... I don't need one after last years awesomeness. I will simply tell you 3 things that my life needs more of... 
  1. Health...
  2. Motivation to get off my butt...
  3. Ohhhhh and Wagamamas lots and lots and lots of Wagamamas.. but then that goes against my initial Health... as I fear this will result in obesity... ah sod it Wagamamas is a much better cause!
So there we go... this is my 2011!
These lovely bloggers are now going to look back at their 2011 highs and lows as well, so why not click on the links and have a read:

Actually Mummy
Romanian Mum in London
Confessions of an Angry Catholic
Pugs' First Child

Enjoy Folks

2 comments:

  1. Lovely to hear from you again - thanks for the tag. What an eventful year! And wedding planning - yay!

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  2. Hello :-) i really enjoyed reading this post. It is so honest and i feel like you've been on a real journey with life so far. I am so pleased you are now settled and your little boy sounds like he has a great mum. Good luck on your impending wedding x x

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