I woke up to Hoff scuffling around sorting himself out for work, I laid in bed thinking about sleep, got mauled by Syd the cat, put slippers on, instantly got cold, threw on some layers, pottered downstairs tripping over Dave the cat, made Kyd’s breakfast, realised he wasn’t awake, went to wake him up, tripped over the cat again, got shouted at by Kyd, got him downstairs, started eating his breakfast....
Then the ‘it’s time to go’ alarm went off... WHAT?? It can’t be that time we’ve only just got up?!
Nope it was definitely that time all the clocks were in sync with each other and we, well, we were still in our PJ’s and Kyd was covered in breakfast... What happened to the morning? Were we swept into a time lapse or warp or whatever they call it? I hadn't got up late! Were we moving like snails? I was so confused. With that I panicked started shouting ‘Quick Quick get dressed and eat at the same time!’ I piled his clothes on, splashed water on his face, threw his toothbrush round his mouth region and ran out the door...
I ran down the road and Kyd said ‘A’ice slippers’ I had my slippers on! With a panic I ran back Kyd laughing at me threw my shoes on, locked back up and ran off again.
It was only when I'd got there and to the actual classroom door that I noticed his teacher looking at me with an odd look and said ‘Alice your hats on inside out’ then I twigged... OMG the feeling and look of true horror rushed over my whole body! I suddenly realised that I hadn’t looked in the mirror at any point after throwing myself out of bed... I also looked down and realised my pockets were hanging out of my trousers, my shoelaces were undone and like she had said... my hat was not only on inside out... but also backwards... stupid thing is I instantly took it off to fix it revealing my birds nest of a hair style, causing more embarrassment... ‘It’s OK’ she said ‘hard morning?’ I just shook my head in horror and said ‘I’m mortified’ she smiled and said ‘it’s OK’ again! As I walked down the corridor I got quicker and quicker and ran out of the front door and straight home. Passing some very confuzzled looking mothers on the way past...
As I got in the door, I closed it, slumped to the floor and put my head in my hands... I crawled to the toilet, stood up with my eyes closed and took a deep breath.... As I opened my eyes I was yet again MORTIFIED... as to top it all off, I had blatant mascara smudges under my eyes... *shakes head*
It’s a good job I live amongst people, parents and teachers who, let’s just say, aren’t all that funky and who don’t think they’re too posh to associate with the crazy bag ladies such as myself. They don’t see fit to turn their nose up at me as I walked past with my hat on backwards, or turn away just in case I smell like old fags and dried urine (note* I don't actually smell like this) because there's so many of those types in the area it’s an everyday occurrence to pass folks like these/folks like me... they simply smiled, probably laughing deep down, and went about their day sniggering at my madness but not judging as they know how I feel as I know damn well ‘they’ve been there’ or ’had one of those mornings’ and luckily they all know this doesn’t happen very often... well so they think!! I wouldn't have got away with that in our old house... lol
When picking Kyd up later I will be like a completely different person... like a magical transformation in to a supermodel... I will be drenched in make-up... that was applied within the last 12 hours and I will be standing tall and trying to redo the wrongs made from this morning... *Sigh*They probably won't even notice!
I'm still not sure what actually happened to me in that short length of time but I'm pretty sure someone might have been watching over me with a 'You've been framed' camera and I'll rewatch my morning on the TV in years to come....
So, just for fun, let’s sum this disaster up...
- · Going outside in slippers *check*
- · Hat inside out AND back to front *check*
- · Pockets hanging out like an advert for a poor man *check*
- · Shoelaces undone like a teenager *check*
- · Birds nest hair under hat, then out of hat, then under hat quickly again *check*
- · Yesterdays make up smudged like a girl on the walk of shame *check*
- · Odd looks from parents *check*
- · Generally looking like a tramp or, to be more precise, a crazy bag lady... *check
...I think I'm going to go back to bed!