Thursday, 21 July 2011

Is there such a thing as Playground Bullying in the ADULT world??

I have this little niggling feeling inside me, that is eating away at me and sending me a little mad & I reckon it's because it needs to be blogged and released (which, after all, is what this Blog Therapy is about)... but would it make it worse if I did??... Ahhh sod it here we go...

You see I have never been 'Cool' and I have never been a 'Loyal Follower' of one particular person or group (minus Footy) I have never had just one group of friends or had just one best friend... I have never really wanted to be in the 'cool' gang... I have always done my own thing! Picked my own friends and liked what I wanted to like... But if I am honest, I have been pressured into things in the past due to 'peer pressure'... I mean as a teen who wasn't just that little bit?... But as an adult is it just weakness? should we know our own self well enough in our adulthood, to avoid peer pressure or feeling like a bullied child?

But is Peer Pressure really still there in Adulthood? or is it YOUR OWN need to be liked and to fit in to the current crowd, that causes you to bow down to the wishes of others? Is it YOUR decision to be a sheep and do things even when you actually don't fully want too?... Or is it, like I said, just pure weakness in your personality?...

To Define Playground Bullying...
The classical definition of a playground bully describes a person who is a socially inadequate outsider, but more recent studies reveal them to be clever and cunning manipulators, who have an above-average ability to see what makes others tick and who use this ability to gain control over others and torment them. They become adept at tuning in the apprehensions and fears upon which to play. They find buttons and push them. When they can make someone respond to them in predictable fashion, they believe that they "own" that person. Remember another aspect of the playground bully. They reign supreme when the other "normal" kids on the playground not only turn a cold shoulder to the bully's victims, but even join in the taunting (for fear they will be the bully's next victim).

Sound familiar?... This doesn't just happen at school... It happens at work, in families, amongst friends or in every day situations like the dreaded School Gate!... Aren't mum cliques awful!!!... Actually just Cliques in general are just god damn annoying!!



If I am pretty damn honest, I have issues with both me and others wanting to fit in and trying too hard... I have lost friends in other groups through them or me 'changing' to fit in to a particular group or scene So I refuse to do it now!!... I have become outcasted by groups for having an opinion... I have been outcasted for not having time for certain groups... I am not great at keeping contact, organising things or sticking to dates and times and I often don't hear my phone calls or read my texts...*cough cough* I'm a mum it's not always that easy!! *cough* This causing people to get offended and picking arguments and.... I have also lost friends through being just simple old me... I have cried over it... got angry over it... panicked about it... and lost sleep over what to do about it...

But is it (or they) worth crying and stressing over??

No, to be honest If a person, or persons, make you feel like you are not worthy of their friendship... what makes them worthy of yours?? If you have to change who you are to fit in to a group... is it worth being in that group?? If you shed tears over the thoughts and actions of other people, What makes what they are doing so right that you are reduced to this?? I don't think it's jealousy as such but I do think envy is involved...

I know when I was younger I used to get so irritated by adults trying to tell me that exact same thing, but as an adult *if you can call me an adult* I am now finally seeing the meaning behind it. Focusing on the friend aspect... I've had days where I have felt like the whole world is against me because of one small comment and that has left me feeling like I have no real friends as, if so and so think this, everyone must... It left me questioning if most of them would have even spoken to me without Kyd being around? Or me being in a certain place? I have times where I look at my 1000+ facebook friends and think which of you would REALLY be there if I needed you?...
I have times also though of overwhelming love for all the people in my life that make me smile without that unique way of making me cry at the same time.
 Not all your friends have to agree with you all the time... I know this!... but we do know there has to be some sort of mutual ground, give n take... no tug of war needed. My Life may be a little bit mad for some... and that is fine... My life may be a little boring for some... that is also fine... But if you feel this way about anyone maybe think a little... is making that person feel inadequate because they don't fit in, really that necessary? People are different that is life... I would say 'Maybe it is you with the problem?' but that would be me making you feel inadequate and that would be completely against my whole point of this post!

Maybe take a step back and realise the difference of the people around you... I completely admit I am awful at judging at face value but after judging, I always give people time to prove me wrong... They 99% of the time, do just that... This is why I know so many people. I know not everyone wants to know the amount of people I seem to... and believe me it's loads... and I know most wouldn't give half of my friends and acquaintances the time of day due to them being 'different' to their normal type of person/friend... It is a natural fact you can't be friends with everyone but to be made to feel small in order to be friends with people is like being in the playground all over again...

It's the small comments... That awkward feeling you get when you don't know what to say... trying to break the silence and getting a shrug or a dirty look... The events that everyone is invited to... but you!... The times where you laugh even though you have no idea what they're going on about.... and then they pull you up on it to make you feel small... The private jokes and the secret meet ups... The niggling feeling that they are judging your every move... the fact you don't dress the same or listen to the same music... The initial fear when you know the whole 'Clique' will be at one particular place and you can't avoid going... So what if you like different things... so you can't be like them... Or even friends with them... Do you really care?? WHY??

Have You Not Seen The Breakfast Club???


I have friends from all circles of life... They are lovers of all different types of music... and as much as I am quite stubborn in what I listen to, I don't judge... much... (if I make comments of poor music taste it's in jest)... I have friends who support the worst footy teams on earth... :) lol... but I still class them as friends. I have friends who I don't speak to for months and then TADA we meet up and it's like nothings changed. I have friends that I have hardly ever met, that treat me with more respect than some I see regularly and I have friends who are there only when we need each other, for anything, big or small, yet we don't really speak in between... I have friends who understand my situation and do not put pressure on me to commit...

annnnnnd.... I have friends that make me feel like s**t!! For those few people who do just that I still class them as friends why?... because I have more of an understanding about how irritating I can be, than they think... and as much as right now, they are killing me slowly inside, they have been there in some of the worst places and situations I have been in throughout my life... & I miss them all individually.

I know that this is just a blog... and this isn't going to change the world or stop the huge amount of all the actual bullying going on or the ever growing feelings of peer pressure in children and adults.... But if it does hit home to one or more people (including myself)... that life's too short to feel like you aren't good enough for someone, something or a somewhere... Set your sights higher and remember Who and What you have already... Would your whole life be over without that particular thing, those particular people or going to that particular place... as I'd say to my mates 'MAN UP' and laugh it off... You are better off without all the hassle.


xxx



Annnnnd FAO all those who may struggle with me as a person This is how I work...





My brain works overtime, all the time, I think too much and this also seems to break me quite often. I am Ill a lot and Kyd is too... he takes up a lot of my time... and although I know a lot of people and have a lot to do... I do have my priorities... this makes me quite busy when I do have time off or when I actually have some £money£... I have no more spare money than most and I rely on things being free or if the event is budgeted on the Hoffs spreadsheet... he's a massive geek!... But this spreadsheet means that if we have the spare ££ then I'm all set to party... To get me at an event... you need to first book me in and make sure I write it in my Diary and secondly remind me over and over... To get me to reply to anything you need to attack me on all angles ie. Text, Call, FB & Twitter as I often only check one not the other (FYI: do not leave me answer phone messages... I never check them). Don't get offended if its weeks or months before I get in touch with you... It is Guarenteed that I have been FB stalking you and I know everything you have done, every place you have been and every person you've met... the power of FB is brilliant. Also please don't feel the need to not invite me out and don't get put off by all the 'I can't's or 'I'm skint's too much... I may surprise you at some point and say 'yes!!'... It's just nice to be asked sometimes. I go through a lot inside that :shockhorror: I don't Blog, Facebook or Tweet about! So don't think you can second guess the reasons I am steering clear, being quiet or just plain ignorant... Maybe just ask me what is really going on... what's the worst that can happen??
 

This is me... This is My Life... Don't like it... Sod off... As I don't care!!
Glad to clear that up...
RANT OVER
Axx

55 comments:

  1. Love this post totally see where you are coming from. I recently posted a thread similar to this. Sick and tired of people pretending to be something they arent just to get in with the in crowd there is no need!!

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  2. .....and all of the above, is why we get on so well....

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  3. Relate to so much of what you say. Adult bullying is awful, the whole friend thing a minefield but when it spills over from you and affects your child, like it did with mine, oh flip, that's when I want to scream. Keep blogging the therapy, that's what I do!!

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